Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
