she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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