I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
