A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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