YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
