No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
