apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it glows. i had to have it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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