i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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