Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
