I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
