I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
