yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He literally asked permission to hit on me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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