I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
