Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
