remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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