i think my mom watched the whole time
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
