Pappa wants mamma naked
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
