Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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