she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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