I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
