Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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