im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
