I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
