THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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