I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
