we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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