White coat. Heels.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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