i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
