He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
