ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
