Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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