I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
FUCK WHALES
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
