too bad you live with your parents still
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
