Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
