they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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