the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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