morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
