He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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