Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you never un-have a 4some
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
