Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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