If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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