A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you never un-have a 4some
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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