The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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