Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
