i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
