i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
