His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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