I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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