i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
