Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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