I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
