I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You don't make any sense
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