Can i not drive my cunt home
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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