I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
